There is no special feeling. Maybe I should reflect more.
I remember last year I was quite excited entering 30, probably because it's the first thirty?
This year is just like.. yeah.. another birthday.
Life is... okay. Work is okay. All is okay...sometimes I worried about getting old and whether I would still be able to afford the healthcare I have now. Worried about getting sick and not as healthy as today.
Old bad habits still around... still struggle to read, still struggle to write, still struggle to have self disciplines financially. I am still procrastinating...a lot.
At the end, all I did was scrolling tiktok... yeah ask me any tiktok trend, chance i can explain them all. Unfortunately it's not an achievement for someone on her 30s. Or should it be??
I registered 10K running but my training is a mess. Commitment issue is still within me.
Work wise, somehow I am getting more adult now. I got a student consulting to me about his master study plan. I got offer to teach classes.
Oh I think what I managed to consistently doing is the weekend exercises. I would skip only when Im not in the city. I no longer do yoga since the studio nearby is closing and seems I didnt put much effort to find any alternative either. So I stick to HIIT Strength training. Sometimes I still do Pilates when I have leftover Classpass credits from previous month. So this exercise part is kinda good.
What is missing now is...impact. I feel like i am not making impact. I am not giving back to communities. As a kid raised by communities--my whole uni life is sponsored by different "communities"--i cannot be just enjoying what I have now just for myself. Just sharing some rice packets around the neighborhood is not the impact i wish to have. But now i also not sure what impact...
In my scholarship essay 7 years ago i wrote 3 things on "how you intend to use the knowledge, skills, and connections you will gain from your scholarship":
1. "To get a new job in a more challenging environment" -- which is the job i am doing right now, being responsible around AP is fairly more challenging than one small plant in Bekasi
2. "To improve methods to solve logistic problems at work" -- ongoing, i am still being a good self learner to understand how this and that works and helping people to get the answers they need quickly.
3. "To share the knowledge I gained and become a lecturer" -- I had 4 classes on supply chain since 2023, 2 classes non supply chain. So it is considered done or can be revisited anytime in the future.
So... is it the time to rewrite my personal goal.
What kind of goal I should have?
Getting married? Buy a car and a house? -- it doesnt sounds like a goal to me.
Work trip to EU is work, not a goal. Although for me it requires much learning prior to that.
Sometimes i feel like i want to post "Hit me up for anything you think i can help you with -- except money related". But it may sounds so... sombong. I dont want to sound like that. I want to help with my knowledge or expertise, but how would they know what I can help them if I did not say anything? So dilemma.
If you ask me what specifically I can help, it can be a free consultation around supply chain, a friend to discuss or rainstorm ideas, providing feedback for your application essay, voluntary teaching/lecturing.
What about you make something? -- this is a question from me to me.
Yeah, true also. I spent too much time online and not knowing what I actually want. Keeping my brain busy doing this and that but never actually thinking what I wish to achieve.
So now, 31, what I wish to achieve?
I dont know..
But for sure I wish myself to be financially more disciplines, be wise with my spending.
I wish myself to stay healthy, not giving up on having a strong core.
I wish myself to spend more time thinking about myself and not letting the day just pass in autopilot mode. I wish myself to picking one new hobby this year. And I wish myself to actually start my own project, something that is not just within me.
Subang Jaya, 10 Aug 2025 9.19PM
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